Dear Reese:
Girl, I’ve been there. I’m going to take you back to a different time, another place.
OK, so it wasn’t seven years — it was more in the range of seven weeks. If that. Probably more like five, but who’s counting? We did share custody of two remotes — the one in his room, the other in mine.
It was an idyllic time. I was happy and he was dreamy, with green eyes and stories of his semester abroad. He was so worldly. You know how it is, right? I knew you would.
Anyway. We were happy. He was happy. Sure, I was working a lot, but that’s what life in the theater is, right? You’re putting together one project by day, presenting another by night…it’s hectic. It’s stressful. But you know how good it feels to crawl home and curl up on the couch with a movie or something with a guy who really seems to like you.
Until he starts to snark about it. You work too much. Or maybe, in your case it was, you’re too damn successful and sought-after, Reese. (Hidden message: You have an Oscar and I don’t, Reese. That, like, sucks.)
And then tension kicks in. You come home from filming, tired, looking for that shoulder on which to rest your head. You don’t want to talk about work. Work = exhaustion.
And then he starts bitching about how you don’t ask enough about his day. And how you really should find ways to not work as much. He’s tired of watching movies by himself, or just with the roommate who never really seemed to like you anyway, because you’d just breeze into the room at the end of the night, swathed in black, as if you were some dramatic person or something.
I mean, what?
And then your friends start complaining. “Why are you spending all of your time with him?” Bitch, bitch, bitch, all at you.
One thing leads to another and you, the overstressed, overworked, dedicated one, wind up realizing that the dude is an ass.
(If he’d had a costar, this guy probably would have done the same thing as Ryan. Well, no, actually. But he did act like an ass at the end.)
Don’t worry, darlin’. Things are going to get better soon and he’s going to regret this.
‘Til then? I recommend Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch and Bridget Jones. Unless you were up for that part.
In which case, the movie totally sucked.
xoxo,
Victoria
p.s. Loved you in Election.
Filed under: Pop Culture, Snark, Tongue-In-Cheek
We can E-Shiv Ryan in her honor.
How precisely does one procure the e-mail address of an alleged adulterer? Oh wait, that’s right. Don a short skirt. Australian accent optional, but encouraged. And then wait five minutes. He’ll be there in no time.
Do you think he wrote it all down in a bound leather journal?
Wow, I’m gonna get slaughtered for this, but I blame Reese ENTIRELY for the break up. Number one, I call shenanigans on Ryan being career jealous. He was a star in the late 90’s and shunned that lifestyle to do character work. It was his choice. And he has worked consistently in good movies since he made that decision (Way of the Gun, Crash, Gosford Park, Igby Goes Down). Number two, did you see how excited he was for her during her awards run? He nearly bear hugged the girl to death at the Golden Globe’s. This man dug his wife. And third, she’s an evil mutant squirrel who’s HATED by her peers. There’s a reason her nickname in the industry is Grease Reese Witherspoon.
I get that girls like her because she was Legally Blonde and all that (and I’ll give that she rocked in Election), but there are so many better female role models in Hollywood. Rachel McAdams comes quickly to mind. She is Public Enemy No. 1 over at TheJay.com, and I will not rest until I convince the world that she is evil (go back and look at Cruel Intentions. The scene in the car when she makes… that face… it’s the face of Satan).
Gauntlet! Thrown!
I keeed, I keeeed.
I totally hear you on Rachel McAdams, who entirely rocks and comes off as a kickass woman and absoLUTELY a great female role model. And I should say that I was very much rooting for R&R, as I appreciated the fact that they were a pair of successful working actors who didn’t come off as spotlight-hogging — and that they appeared to be capably raising two adorable children (although all that flaxen hair was starting to make me think of Children of the Corn). And third, many of the films he has done in recent years rank right up there on my “thank goodness for quality films” list.
I think it’s largely interpetation, and I’m coming at it from, say, 3,000 miles away from the source. But I didn’t read the bear hug as happiness, say a “Hey, look at my WIFE!” response. I read it at the time as “Hey, look at MY wife. Where’s the camera panning to get MY reaction to this?”
Then again, I own up to occasionally being a cynical bitch. It’s sometimes how I roll.
That said, yes, he has been a part of some quality films. But prior to all the buzz for “Flags of Our Fathers,” when has he been a posterboy of a film? Not since those late 90s days — and I have to wonder what his approach to that lifestyle would have been had, say, Antitrust done better at the boxoffice (thank God it didn’t). You don’t think there was any resentment at all that Reese became an It Woman (funny that she never really came off as an It Girl) and he was That Guy You See in a Lot of Good Films Who Looks A Lot Like Sebastian in Cruel Intentions Oh Wait Isn’t He Married To Reese?
Keep in mind also that I’ve liked her work DESPITE the Legally Blonde series (first one funny enough, second one insipid, even for someone looking for political jokes). And perhaps I do buy into the hype, but she comes across as a head-down-focus-on-the-work kind of actor. Who happens to giggle from time to time.
If the rumors of infidelity prove false, my opinion absolutely will change. But in the meantime, my gut instinct is to turn against someone who was cheating on his or her partner. If it turns out he didn’t, I’ll follow up with my open letter to Ryan.
I will give you points, however, for The Face Reference. That shit was freaky, no?
i gotta toss in a vote for Reese – jealousy rears its ugly green head yet again.
my impresion of thoughts in Ryan’s pretty, yet get-rid-of-that-scowl-head:
the wife has an oscar. i do not.
she gets more and frankly better quality work. i do not.
she got to wear a chanel dress previously worn by kirsten dunst. i secretly wanted to wear that dress. besides, it looked better on kirsten. even i could have worn that frock better!
Both of you neglected the point I was making about his career jealousy. He turned down the Anakin Skywalker role in the prequels. He actively sought out lesser profile movies. Does this strike you as a decidedly stardom-focused decision? Check this quote I got from his profile page on the imdb:
“People keep trying to make me a movie star but they just don’t understand. I’m not a movie star, I’m an actor.”
If he had wanted to play the Hollywood game (which Reese is an active player in), then he’d be doing shit like Troy, or Ocean’s Eleven or Oscar Bait like Running With Scissors. Instead, he’s working with a Hollywood legends (Clint), toplining his own B-movies (Breach, Five Fingers), and gearing up to work with great artists (the next Kim Pierce flick, Steve Martin’s genius Picasso at the Lapin Agile). Personally, I’d rather have his career, then be forced into doing shit like Just Like heaven, as his soon-to-be grease ex-wife plodded her way through.
And who cares if his antics at the award show were a bit “look at me” ish. Isn’t it nice to see a man rooting for their wife. When did you see Brad ever coo over Jen like that? I can’t recall Michael Douglas making an ass out of himself cheering on CZJ when she won her Oscar. Does Phillippe earn no points for this?
And since when are tabloids to be believed? Because Reese is the one who filed and Ryan happens to be shooting a movie with a pretty girl, suddenly that means he’s to blame? I’m sorry, I don’t buy it. When marriages end, it’s usually preceded by a separation. Who wants to put down money these two have been “off” for a couple months? So even if it is true that he’s nailing Cornish, I seriously doubt it’s what drove them to the end.
I personally think these two just had enough of each other. She’s a bit too prissy for him, and he’s a bit too jerky for her. Why does there have to be blame on either side, but especially on him? Jen and Brad ended because they differed on wanting a family, not because of Angelina. Take my point?
Ryan’s smart — taking on the Anakin role would have typecast him for years to come and he knew that. I give him props for saying no to something that would have made him a Movie Character Star (and target for scorn when the movie fails) when he could aspire to be a good actor.
(Side inquiry: Natalie Portman. Thoughts on her involvement with SW and rest of career?)
Personally, however, I’d have to disagree with you on the career trajectory I’d choose. If making the most of a phoned-in plot such as “Just Like Heaven” was the price I had to pay in order to, say, play June Carter Cash, I’d do it. Gimme the contract and watch me sign it with a smile on my face. Besides, Reese put in her time toplining her own B-movies, taking on films that anyone would be hardpressed to predict as winners in any market.
It IS certainly nice to see a husband, wife or partner be excited when the other gets accolades, of course. And I do acknowledge that there really should be more excitement from the Brads, Michaels and whomever is to come who listen to the acceptance speeches from the seats in the auditorium. But that much over-the-top didn’t seem genuine — and furthermore, what was HER response to it? She looked as if she was trying to get away from it before he crushed her – and, if I remember correctly, didn’t look particularly amused.
I’m not taking the tabloid reports as fact, which is why I made sure to include “snarky” and “tongue-in-cheek” for the subject lines. Nor am I assuming that, if the reports are true, that that was the only thing that went down. But even if they had been “off” for a couple of months, Ryan allegedly hooking up with his costar is lame. Wait until a separation is announced or something else makes it clear that there’s marital strife. When people have been wondering for awhile, is it smart to (again, allegedly) hand them something to place blame on? It’s asking for trouble.
Am I saying that either absolutely deserves blame? Nah. But sometimes one feels compelled to join the fray and speculate…
I’m mostly playing Devil’s Advocate here, and thoroughly enjoying the banter, by the way. I like good debate and you’re rocking this.
And by the way? 50 points to you for the Picasso reference. I’d cursed myself earlier for forgetting to include a comment about that — as a fan of SM plays and that one in particular (fell in love with it while working on a college production of it), I’m more than psyched to see how it plays out in film. GLORIOUS.
[...] P.S. Reese sucks! [...]
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[...] to have an antagonist, especially one that a lot of people like. I’ve gotten miles of coverage on my distaste for Reese Witherspoon (and at one time Scrunchy McBitchface aka Renee Zellweger), and I have no real reason for disliking [...]